So July 6th was my return visit to the hospital for my annual colonoscopy. Since I already described the procedure in an earlier blog I won't repeat myself going over the details of the cleansing process but let's just say that since I have been learning by experience with each test I found out some things that worked better for me. First of all they tell you in the directions to eat a light dinner, if you can get by without it don't eat the dinner. I started drinking my clear liquids that night so I made chicken broth and put in just a bit of chicken and no noodles. Definitely not as greasy as say a bowl of chicken noodle soup in the can. What I thought I would do here is relay a story about the actual hospital that day.
Usually I have been all alone in the waiting room prior to my surgery. This time the place was hopping. I arrived at 8:00 and I wasn't even supposed to be there until 8:30. There were already 4 people there who had gotten there before me. Lucky for me it turned out that they were there for different reasons. Anyhow I'm called in and my great nurse Debra Van Saun is there as usual and it feels comfortable in an odd way. So we go through the usual forms the hospital requires noting any changes I've observed, that sort of thing. Next we go to the lovely hospital gown, always so attractive and demure. Into the bed which also serves as the operating table in this procedure so you don't have to be moved or lifted. Next it is IV procedure, arm wasn't good, couldn't find the vein which for me is pretty standard so it resulted in back of left hand (Ouch) and that is a mild ouch but kind of uncomfortable. Next the ringers solution so I am hydrated...all good. Now it's just waiting until Dr. Beckman is ready for me. Now here's the greatest part.
A second patient is brought into room as they are starting to get a bit crowded. A tiny little old lady probably if I am guessing correctly she is in her 80's or greater just judging by the walk, talk and visual appearance but of course I could be wrong. Anyway, Kathy the other nurse is working with this patient and even though curtain is drawn I can here all the same questions that I have to answer. The lady can't see well so Kathy is reading her the questions along with explaining same if she doesn't understand the meaning. Anyhow here is just a small sample of the routine.
Kathy: When was the last time you had your period dear?
Answer: Oh about 40 years ago.
Kathy: And when was the last time you had a visit with your ob/gyn?
Answer: My what?
Kathy: Your gynecologist...he would take care of all your problems down there!
Answer: Oh then that would be about 40 years ago too.
Kathy: Now what was the date of your last pap test?
Answer: My what?
Kathy: Pap test dear. That would have been when the doctor took a cell sample from your vagina and tested it.
Answer: Well I don't believe that what you are telling me was done, but I can't say for sure but I guess that would have been 40 years ago also.
Kathy: Now dear...you must realize that it is very important for you to be checked. We have a nurse practitioner on staff who can do this and then refer the results to your doctor.
Answer: Weeeell, I don't know if you can do that, he might be dead by now, and I really didn't think it was necessary considering I had a total hysterectomy at the time.
Me: Trying to stifle my laughing by now I thought I was going to wet the bed. It was hysterical so I hope it comes across that way. Truly I am not making fun of the little old lady but somehow I think medical forms need to take age and prior work done into consideration. I suspect the nurse was asking her questions based on some type of pre-arranged questionnaire. It was the best part of the whole day other than finding out my results were excellent from my own colonoscopy. As usual St. Clare's and Dr. Beckman, and all my nurses jobs well done. See you one year from then.
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