Now That Personal Affairs Are in Order, What Next?

Surgery complete, Will Made, How do you go about explaining to people what has happened to you?

In my case although I did realize something had to be wrong as I said I never thought it was cancer.  My diagnosis was completed by February but me being me I had to work through a big wrestling tournament that our school holds each year.  I am chief cook and bottle washer with the help of some really, really, great friends.  But as good as they are, something made me hold back.  I think in my mind if I said the word "CANCER" out loud to anyone then it would definitely be true, if I didn't say it then it wouldn't be true.

Somewhere around late April or early May a friend at school had a deck party and while we were all sitting around having a few cold adult beverages, we got to talking about relationships, kids, etc and I broke the news.  At first they were stunned but true to form they rallied quickly and all made an agreement that although they knew, we would all keep quiet until I was ready to tell the school.  Crazy as it seems I thought they would use it as a chance to let me go as budget worries were just beginning to rear their ugly head.

I finally went to the principal with the help of a good strong woman in the building who had earlier taught me the ropes at WV waaaaaaaay back in 1994.  Actually I was afraid I would start to cry and my boss really really hated emotional displays. Thank you Monica for your strength at that time. It went very well and the following week we had a staff meeting and the news was broken to the remainder of the building.  So many were so supportive it was a great feeling.

From that point on it became easier to deal with all of it.  I told Sue, Vicky, Pat, Patti, Sara, and everyone rallied to not only console but support me.  I love these ladies to death for that and of course there are others like Barb & John who also made this so easy for both Mike and me.

One person in particular amazed me at this time, someone not in my department but also not someone I thought would gravitate to my personality.  She made sure I was taking care of myself with books to read, food that was tempting and phone calls...I can't tell you how much those phone calls meant because some days lying in bed made me feel really sad and lonely.  She was mean enough to not let me feel sorry for myself and even when I did she would tell me that it was ok and then to snap out of it.  I cherish that in her that allowed me those weepy pissy moments when I just wanted to give in to the pain and she wouldn't let me.

I say pissy but believe me when I tell you how angry this disease can make you.  And that anger can come out at some of the people that you love and care for the most.  Believe it or not they will understand.