So July 6th was my return visit to the hospital for my annual colonoscopy. Since I already described the procedure in an earlier blog I won't repeat myself going over the details of the cleansing process but let's just say that since I have been learning by experience with each test I found out some things that worked better for me. First of all they tell you in the directions to eat a light dinner, if you can get by without it don't eat the dinner. I started drinking my clear liquids that night so I made chicken broth and put in just a bit of chicken and no noodles. Definitely not as greasy as say a bowl of chicken noodle soup in the can. What I thought I would do here is relay a story about the actual hospital that day.
Usually I have been all alone in the waiting room prior to my surgery. This time the place was hopping. I arrived at 8:00 and I wasn't even supposed to be there until 8:30. There were already 4 people there who had gotten there before me. Lucky for me it turned out that they were there for different reasons. Anyhow I'm called in and my great nurse Debra Van Saun is there as usual and it feels comfortable in an odd way. So we go through the usual forms the hospital requires noting any changes I've observed, that sort of thing. Next we go to the lovely hospital gown, always so attractive and demure. Into the bed which also serves as the operating table in this procedure so you don't have to be moved or lifted. Next it is IV procedure, arm wasn't good, couldn't find the vein which for me is pretty standard so it resulted in back of left hand (Ouch) and that is a mild ouch but kind of uncomfortable. Next the ringers solution so I am hydrated...all good. Now it's just waiting until Dr. Beckman is ready for me. Now here's the greatest part.
A second patient is brought into room as they are starting to get a bit crowded. A tiny little old lady probably if I am guessing correctly she is in her 80's or greater just judging by the walk, talk and visual appearance but of course I could be wrong. Anyway, Kathy the other nurse is working with this patient and even though curtain is drawn I can here all the same questions that I have to answer. The lady can't see well so Kathy is reading her the questions along with explaining same if she doesn't understand the meaning. Anyhow here is just a small sample of the routine.
Kathy: When was the last time you had your period dear?
Answer: Oh about 40 years ago.
Kathy: And when was the last time you had a visit with your ob/gyn?
Answer: My what?
Kathy: Your gynecologist...he would take care of all your problems down there!
Answer: Oh then that would be about 40 years ago too.
Kathy: Now what was the date of your last pap test?
Answer: My what?
Kathy: Pap test dear. That would have been when the doctor took a cell sample from your vagina and tested it.
Answer: Well I don't believe that what you are telling me was done, but I can't say for sure but I guess that would have been 40 years ago also.
Kathy: Now dear...you must realize that it is very important for you to be checked. We have a nurse practitioner on staff who can do this and then refer the results to your doctor.
Answer: Weeeell, I don't know if you can do that, he might be dead by now, and I really didn't think it was necessary considering I had a total hysterectomy at the time.
Me: Trying to stifle my laughing by now I thought I was going to wet the bed. It was hysterical so I hope it comes across that way. Truly I am not making fun of the little old lady but somehow I think medical forms need to take age and prior work done into consideration. I suspect the nurse was asking her questions based on some type of pre-arranged questionnaire. It was the best part of the whole day other than finding out my results were excellent from my own colonoscopy. As usual St. Clare's and Dr. Beckman, and all my nurses jobs well done. See you one year from then.
Sandals, St. Lucia
God's Beauty...Worth Living For!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Peripheral Neuropathy or What the Hell I'm Done With Treatment How Did This Happen?
The final insult to all of the indignities of cancer, having someone look up your butt, losing your intestines, not living the way you want to, and Lord only knows what else is happening comes the neuropathy. This is a numbing sensation that I developed in both hands and both feet. Now with all I went through, one would think I was prepared for this. Nope! Not at all!
On the last, notice I said the last, day of my treatment I developed this weird tingling sensation in feet and hands. At first I thought I was just really cold. Chemo centers are not your typical household temperature of 72 degrees. They can be cooler due to how everyone is feeling and in the St. Clare's Center in Denville, there are roughly 20 patients getting treatment at the same, but varying times. The nurse gave me a blanket and I actually felt better for the treatment time period. Only the tingling did not go away. It remained and so far remains to this day. Upon seeing the doctor for my sign out he stated at that time that it could last about 6 months to a year. Guess what? This too is crap! It is 2011 and I still have symptoms in my hands and worse ones in my feet.
I was sent to a neurologist up in Newton who basically hooked wires to my legs and hands to see the reactions of the muscle tissue. Two trips warranted him telling me that I would probably only have about 80% use of them the way they once were. Basically I am to treat myself as a diabetic would. I have to watch for cuts and bruising and make sure I don't pick up any type of infections on my feet. We wouldn't want to amputate them now would we? He had to be kidding! All those diplomas on the wall and the guy was a jerk. I decided I would seek out any and every cure for this condition.
Finally on one of my cruises, there was an accupuncturist. She was from Hawaii and not only had studied Eastern medicine, she studied Western medicine. We started with the hands seriously as I needed them more for my job as an anatomy teacher so this was important. The feet could come later. It was a week of daily treatments of the needles and learning how to relax my mind if I had a mishap such as handling a knife and fork. In the beginning I hated going out in public afraid I would drop things randomly. The feet and legs have been a problem that no one seems to be able to fix. I do intend to go back to accupuncture as I made such good progress. All I can hope is that it will work. I will keep you posted once surgery to meniscus is over with and therapy begins.
On the last, notice I said the last, day of my treatment I developed this weird tingling sensation in feet and hands. At first I thought I was just really cold. Chemo centers are not your typical household temperature of 72 degrees. They can be cooler due to how everyone is feeling and in the St. Clare's Center in Denville, there are roughly 20 patients getting treatment at the same, but varying times. The nurse gave me a blanket and I actually felt better for the treatment time period. Only the tingling did not go away. It remained and so far remains to this day. Upon seeing the doctor for my sign out he stated at that time that it could last about 6 months to a year. Guess what? This too is crap! It is 2011 and I still have symptoms in my hands and worse ones in my feet.
I was sent to a neurologist up in Newton who basically hooked wires to my legs and hands to see the reactions of the muscle tissue. Two trips warranted him telling me that I would probably only have about 80% use of them the way they once were. Basically I am to treat myself as a diabetic would. I have to watch for cuts and bruising and make sure I don't pick up any type of infections on my feet. We wouldn't want to amputate them now would we? He had to be kidding! All those diplomas on the wall and the guy was a jerk. I decided I would seek out any and every cure for this condition.
Finally on one of my cruises, there was an accupuncturist. She was from Hawaii and not only had studied Eastern medicine, she studied Western medicine. We started with the hands seriously as I needed them more for my job as an anatomy teacher so this was important. The feet could come later. It was a week of daily treatments of the needles and learning how to relax my mind if I had a mishap such as handling a knife and fork. In the beginning I hated going out in public afraid I would drop things randomly. The feet and legs have been a problem that no one seems to be able to fix. I do intend to go back to accupuncture as I made such good progress. All I can hope is that it will work. I will keep you posted once surgery to meniscus is over with and therapy begins.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Can We Discuss the Colonoscopy? Or How Much Poop is Really In Me?
Now about the colonoscopy, I feel I should address this subject because I had heard so many horror stories about it that I too avoided it at age 50, I'm not going to lie. As a matter of fact, both of my boys should be tested now at least 10 years earlier and since Rob had stomach problems as a baby with spitting up and projectile vomiting maybe he should talk to an md about going sooner. I hope they listen or at least read this.
You should follow whatever the directions are that your particular gastroenterologist gives you completely! That is the best rule. Although I had all the pre-printed directions everyone that had already had one was sharing their alleged horror stories. Since my colonoscopy was scheduled for Monday morning, I could eat on Friday. I chose to eat very lightly and by Saturday morning I started with eating and drinking nothing but the clear fluids to flush out the system as recommended. At about 4 pm that evening I took my first bottle of magnesium citrate. Kind of like drinking slightly salty 7 up. I actually put mine over ice because no one said not to. So far so good. Yes you will go to the bathroom more to clean out the colon but as it was explained to me...the clearer and cleaner the pictures the better the test would go. So it is to your benefit that you do this properly.
On Sunday I could still have some clear liquids and then I had to stop completely and just drink my second bottle of citrate. I followed this religiously, no snacking no cheating. Truthfully even with all the trips to the bathroom which are an inconvenience I just made sure I had no plans at all for that weekend and stayed home within distance of the bathroom. There was no pain, I actually lost some weight LOL, and for the first time in a long time I felt "light" and my tummy which is normally a little round, was flat. Damn I thought. I should do this cleasing stuff more often. I know there are fans of this type of cleansing for regular upkeep of the body. If anyone has any suggestions please feel free to email me. Would love to hear from you.
Monday morning-up early final bit of citrate to drink I believe it was about 3 hours but not sure. Then off to the hospital with my driver, you must have someone take you back home. My particular hospital would not even let you take a taxi. At the hospital it was briefly answering miscellaneous questions for records and then a nurse came to get me and off I went to change into lovely hospital gown and hairnet. Then allowed to have nice warmed up blanket (as if it came out of a microwave) absolutely delicious and a chat with the anesthesiologist. He set up the initial port and at the count of 100 I was out.
The procedure was scheduled time wise for 1 hour but I suspect this would vary depending on what your doctor finds. Then you are very gently woken up...for me it was "hi Jeanne time to open your eyes" and it was all over. As of this writing I will be having my next check up test after graduation which is set for June 22. In my case because of prior history I always keep my fingers crossed but I am always optimistic.
I will conclude with this thought...I wish I had known how easy this was...people who don't follow the pre-test rules should just shut the hell up ( I could have said a worse word there) because you scare those of us out of having the test...and whatever you have to do to get a loved one to have this test whether baseline or necessary...DO IT!
If you want to not only live your life but possibly live a longer life! Cheers! Salude! Slainte! Drink your citrate!
You should follow whatever the directions are that your particular gastroenterologist gives you completely! That is the best rule. Although I had all the pre-printed directions everyone that had already had one was sharing their alleged horror stories. Since my colonoscopy was scheduled for Monday morning, I could eat on Friday. I chose to eat very lightly and by Saturday morning I started with eating and drinking nothing but the clear fluids to flush out the system as recommended. At about 4 pm that evening I took my first bottle of magnesium citrate. Kind of like drinking slightly salty 7 up. I actually put mine over ice because no one said not to. So far so good. Yes you will go to the bathroom more to clean out the colon but as it was explained to me...the clearer and cleaner the pictures the better the test would go. So it is to your benefit that you do this properly.
On Sunday I could still have some clear liquids and then I had to stop completely and just drink my second bottle of citrate. I followed this religiously, no snacking no cheating. Truthfully even with all the trips to the bathroom which are an inconvenience I just made sure I had no plans at all for that weekend and stayed home within distance of the bathroom. There was no pain, I actually lost some weight LOL, and for the first time in a long time I felt "light" and my tummy which is normally a little round, was flat. Damn I thought. I should do this cleasing stuff more often. I know there are fans of this type of cleansing for regular upkeep of the body. If anyone has any suggestions please feel free to email me. Would love to hear from you.
Monday morning-up early final bit of citrate to drink I believe it was about 3 hours but not sure. Then off to the hospital with my driver, you must have someone take you back home. My particular hospital would not even let you take a taxi. At the hospital it was briefly answering miscellaneous questions for records and then a nurse came to get me and off I went to change into lovely hospital gown and hairnet. Then allowed to have nice warmed up blanket (as if it came out of a microwave) absolutely delicious and a chat with the anesthesiologist. He set up the initial port and at the count of 100 I was out.
The procedure was scheduled time wise for 1 hour but I suspect this would vary depending on what your doctor finds. Then you are very gently woken up...for me it was "hi Jeanne time to open your eyes" and it was all over. As of this writing I will be having my next check up test after graduation which is set for June 22. In my case because of prior history I always keep my fingers crossed but I am always optimistic.
I will conclude with this thought...I wish I had known how easy this was...people who don't follow the pre-test rules should just shut the hell up ( I could have said a worse word there) because you scare those of us out of having the test...and whatever you have to do to get a loved one to have this test whether baseline or necessary...DO IT!
If you want to not only live your life but possibly live a longer life! Cheers! Salude! Slainte! Drink your citrate!
Saturday, June 4, 2011
My Awesome Students During Cancer!
Since I ended the last blog with a mention of Xhelil I felt I really had to pause and think back to my students during the 2008-2009 school year. I had two anatomy & physiology classes plus biology and lab and last but not least basic biology. Roughly my student count was about 125. I don't know what I did to deserve them but normally I am well organized, have my teaching together, can slam out whatever topic I need to and do the whole volunteer, give back yaddy da with a smile on my face. Not that year! I was so tired I wanted to scream yet somehow I managed to keep it together enough to be able to say I did my job. I just couldn't do it all well enough to suit me, so I say this to all of you. You can legally take leaves of absence for your treatments through your illness. If I had to do it all over again...I wouldn't worry about getting back to a job. Take the time for yourself and positively, absolutely get better. Of course, hindsight is always 20/20 vision as my dad would say!
To be honest...just couldn't tolerate most adult or kid shit that year at all. How many times can you listen in hallways and hear "I'm so pissed at my parents, they wouldn't buy me a _________you fill in the blank whether it was car, dress, ipod whatever." I just wanted to yell out would you get a freaking clue. Your parents with possibly a few exceptions to every rule, take darn good care of you. Let's trade places. Now that was the bad kids.
The good kids...Have to start with my man Brian F..There are not many kids who can butterfly your cut hand because while on the coumadin you decided to stick your hand in a bucket of scalpels and are now bleeding like a stuck pig. Not only should he have gotten the money from the emergency room doctor who proceeded to rip off Brian's stitches and glue me with superglue, he should have his job. How many kids do you know who have a first aid kit with the stitches right in their backpack! Brian...you are the man and always will be. I hope you now have fewer migraines and are doing excellently at college. I <3 U.
My princess Paola...most recently when a dear friend passed away I was expecting the princess to show up at the memorial with her "girls" out in all their glory. Princess was overly blessed in that department. I think the powers that be let her get on the boob line at least 3 times. You might be agast at that but this was how she dressed every single day for which the mother in me who wanted a girl so badly would say OMG I can't believe your parents let you out looking that way but princess has a heart and believe it or not, the night of the memorial, she said "Donny am I dressed ok. I didn't want to embarass you! She was absolutely perfect that night. Just goes to show when you need them to be adults, they can be. I was very proud of them.
Brian W. this boy has to be the most remarkable child I have ever met in my life. Cute, freckle faced, impish grin on his face almost all the time, you would not have known unless you bothered to know that this boy had been through bone cancer himself. Not only had he endured so much more pain than any young kid should have had, he was an excellent soccer player whose career was basically ended. On top of that, his mom had also been diagnosed with ovarian cancer while he was going through a variety of grafts and repairs to the bones in the leg. Talk about bad stuff happening to good people. It should be a crime. Unfortunately his mom Benita lost her battle with cancer but her child does her proud. He will finish college I know and go on to do great things.
Chris & Todd-I speak of them together because you often didn't see one without seeing the other somewhere nearby. Both totally nuts but in a good way, Chris very smart but you were lucky if he wasn't discussing some philosophy about the end of the world or the expanding universe and Todd well Todd is one of those people who are amiable and kind and usually overlooked until you absolutely need them and there they are doing whatever needs being done without question! Great guys!
A very quick mention to Freddie and Greg..all I will say is that class wise they were as annoying as hell, didn't do any type of hard work at all, coasted in order to just pass the class, cheated or tried to cheat whenever they could but they could always, always make me laugh. Never forget the people who can do that for you when you are recovering. They are definitely worth their weight in gold.
My entire group of sophomores that year...I can't list you all here individually because I could go on and on. Let's just say you are the class of 2011 currently going to graduate from Wallkill Valley. I commend you all on a job well done, I know that in your limited experience with severe illness, again with some exceptions, you put up with my "chemo" brain and all its craziness and yet you survived. I am and always will be very proud of you all and I wish you nothing but good things and happiness as you enter the next phase of your lives. To Kim and Sherri you really outdid yourselves in improving your attendance record and I am sorry you had to experience the nosebleeding in biology but I do think Wallkill should give you a most improved award. LOL. I will miss seeing you both arriving late daily in my hallway.
Last but not least I have to mention Xhelil again. What a loud, obnoxious, opinionated young man! Gave every sub sent in for me a hard time. Big shout out apology to Stephanie Bonaparte. Gave me a hard time. Could give God himself a hard time. If sent to hell could probably give the Devil a hard time so much so that even he (the Devil) would kick him out. But remember Xhelil that when you were hypnotized and the guy asked you who your favorite teacher was you proudly said, "Donnnny" Ha Ha I still had the last laugh. I also wish you all that is good. Take care! xo
Well, that's my babies in an overview. Like I said I could go on and on here but then it would get crazy saying the same good things about them all. Just know that I did and do appreciate what you all did for me that year. I will miss seeing you at WV very very much and I thank you all for your patience and understanding. May your lives be blessed with nothing but peace, love, happiness always!
To be honest...just couldn't tolerate most adult or kid shit that year at all. How many times can you listen in hallways and hear "I'm so pissed at my parents, they wouldn't buy me a _________you fill in the blank whether it was car, dress, ipod whatever." I just wanted to yell out would you get a freaking clue. Your parents with possibly a few exceptions to every rule, take darn good care of you. Let's trade places. Now that was the bad kids.
The good kids...Have to start with my man Brian F..There are not many kids who can butterfly your cut hand because while on the coumadin you decided to stick your hand in a bucket of scalpels and are now bleeding like a stuck pig. Not only should he have gotten the money from the emergency room doctor who proceeded to rip off Brian's stitches and glue me with superglue, he should have his job. How many kids do you know who have a first aid kit with the stitches right in their backpack! Brian...you are the man and always will be. I hope you now have fewer migraines and are doing excellently at college. I <3 U.
My princess Paola...most recently when a dear friend passed away I was expecting the princess to show up at the memorial with her "girls" out in all their glory. Princess was overly blessed in that department. I think the powers that be let her get on the boob line at least 3 times. You might be agast at that but this was how she dressed every single day for which the mother in me who wanted a girl so badly would say OMG I can't believe your parents let you out looking that way but princess has a heart and believe it or not, the night of the memorial, she said "Donny am I dressed ok. I didn't want to embarass you! She was absolutely perfect that night. Just goes to show when you need them to be adults, they can be. I was very proud of them.
Brian W. this boy has to be the most remarkable child I have ever met in my life. Cute, freckle faced, impish grin on his face almost all the time, you would not have known unless you bothered to know that this boy had been through bone cancer himself. Not only had he endured so much more pain than any young kid should have had, he was an excellent soccer player whose career was basically ended. On top of that, his mom had also been diagnosed with ovarian cancer while he was going through a variety of grafts and repairs to the bones in the leg. Talk about bad stuff happening to good people. It should be a crime. Unfortunately his mom Benita lost her battle with cancer but her child does her proud. He will finish college I know and go on to do great things.
Chris & Todd-I speak of them together because you often didn't see one without seeing the other somewhere nearby. Both totally nuts but in a good way, Chris very smart but you were lucky if he wasn't discussing some philosophy about the end of the world or the expanding universe and Todd well Todd is one of those people who are amiable and kind and usually overlooked until you absolutely need them and there they are doing whatever needs being done without question! Great guys!
A very quick mention to Freddie and Greg..all I will say is that class wise they were as annoying as hell, didn't do any type of hard work at all, coasted in order to just pass the class, cheated or tried to cheat whenever they could but they could always, always make me laugh. Never forget the people who can do that for you when you are recovering. They are definitely worth their weight in gold.
My entire group of sophomores that year...I can't list you all here individually because I could go on and on. Let's just say you are the class of 2011 currently going to graduate from Wallkill Valley. I commend you all on a job well done, I know that in your limited experience with severe illness, again with some exceptions, you put up with my "chemo" brain and all its craziness and yet you survived. I am and always will be very proud of you all and I wish you nothing but good things and happiness as you enter the next phase of your lives. To Kim and Sherri you really outdid yourselves in improving your attendance record and I am sorry you had to experience the nosebleeding in biology but I do think Wallkill should give you a most improved award. LOL. I will miss seeing you both arriving late daily in my hallway.
Last but not least I have to mention Xhelil again. What a loud, obnoxious, opinionated young man! Gave every sub sent in for me a hard time. Big shout out apology to Stephanie Bonaparte. Gave me a hard time. Could give God himself a hard time. If sent to hell could probably give the Devil a hard time so much so that even he (the Devil) would kick him out. But remember Xhelil that when you were hypnotized and the guy asked you who your favorite teacher was you proudly said, "Donnnny" Ha Ha I still had the last laugh. I also wish you all that is good. Take care! xo
Well, that's my babies in an overview. Like I said I could go on and on here but then it would get crazy saying the same good things about them all. Just know that I did and do appreciate what you all did for me that year. I will miss seeing you at WV very very much and I thank you all for your patience and understanding. May your lives be blessed with nothing but peace, love, happiness always!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Chemotherapy...To Cure or Not to Cure...Is That The Question?
Now let's talk about chemo treatments. Obviously they will vary with the type of cancer you have and that is going to be a fairly complicated discussion between your doctor and you. I will offer these words of advice...find out all you can about your possibilities via the internet so you know what to expect. I still think even with my research and the doctor's help I didn't know enough about the possible side affects and what could treat them if they developed. That said here we go.
Compared to chemo the surgery was a walk in the park. I decided to go with an experimental treatment for colon cancer that was available to me. The nausea was to be reduced, although my hair might thin out, chances were that I would not lose all of it, and compared to other forms of treatment, the side effects weren't many, so they told me.
Chemo began in June of 2008 shortly after the surgery and I was on schedule to have Wednesday and Friday sessions. I was also sent home with a port a pack of chemo which was set to run out on Friday afternoons. This way I could get my shot of neulasta (let me tell you this crap sucks and is very expensive besides) but more about that later.
My chemo drip was a combination of meds called eloxatin, plus Zofran for nausea and Proclorperazine, coumadin because I developed a blood clot and of course the nasty neulasta. Wednesday sessions began at about 1pm and after initial weight check, blood pressure, temp, and blood draw to check white cells the treatment began. Since I had the chest port put in that involved hooking me up and sitting in a nice reclining chair watching tv or sleeping until about 4:30 or 5:00 when the meds ran out. Then getting unhooked from the drip, get attached to the port a pack and going home.
Now I know I shouldn't complain because obviously I am alive if writing this blog but some of the side effects are really cruddy. First...severe and I do mean severe reaction to cold. That included touching, drinking and eating, entering the frozen food aisle in a store and anything else cold that you can possibly think of. Believe me when I tell you that nothing compares to eating and drinking warm tuna, milk, orange juice (when my stomach could handle it) ice cream which I had to eliminate altogether because once it was warm it was liquid.
Second...THRUSH, a most disgusting symptom that occurs in your mouth as all of your good cells are killed off by the chemo you become susceptible to other nasties. With thrush you develop white patches on the tongue, inner sides and roof of the mouth and guess what? No one told me about this one. It can become severe if left untreated so you must take antibiotics and reduce foods with sugars and yeast in them. This wasn't really a problem because during the chemo believe it or not I developed an aversion to sugary foods and couldn't stand them. Meat on the other hand became a necessity of life and in steak the more rare the better. Barely cooked was how I came to order beef with some very unusual looks from waiters if I were eating out. Alcohol was definitely out of the question but every now and then if I felt up to it a shot of rum tasted pretty darn good because it is not a liquor you have to drink cold so it worked. Oh and did I mention that the thrush can also get into your esophagus and if really bad your liver and other parts of your body?
Finally we come to the neulasta. Who ever invented this stuff certainly has a death wish...at least among cancer patients. Now I know it is supposed to do good but if you are aware that as an adult you pretty much stop making white blood cells. The neulasta forces your body to produce them from of all things your pelvis and hips. I can't tell you nor describe the agony of this process. All I will say is that for the entire weekend I was pretty much confined to bed until Monday morning when I had to return to school and even then sometimes I just couldn't do it. Oh and one more thing, it gives you really, really, really, bad diarrhea. Sorry to be gross but it does.
Now let's talk coumadin...again one of those drugs that is supposed to help you but it's side effects can be random or spontaneous bleeding. NNNIIIIIICCEEE! So in my case I had decided to return to work as soon as I could, no time to lay around feeling sorry for myself was what I figured but that can also have drawbacks. Most of the time I was pretty good but this one particular day I happened to be teaching my bio class and sneezed pretty badly about three times in a row. Next thing I know my nose is dripping gobs of blood and my students are yelling. I quickly sent one to get my friend Sabrina who came running back with of all things a tampon to stop the bleeding. Thank God we have prep rooms between our bio rooms because it actually worked. The kids got a great laugh out of it and consequently when I explained what I was going through they were real troopers. They knew exactly who to go get depending on what class I was in just in case it happened again. There are times when kids can really step up to a challenge and I must say that my students during 2008-2009 were some of the best that I ever had. We probably didn't get much done compared to other years because of me being in and out of school but better people I could not have asked for. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart...even Xhelil.
Compared to chemo the surgery was a walk in the park. I decided to go with an experimental treatment for colon cancer that was available to me. The nausea was to be reduced, although my hair might thin out, chances were that I would not lose all of it, and compared to other forms of treatment, the side effects weren't many, so they told me.
Chemo began in June of 2008 shortly after the surgery and I was on schedule to have Wednesday and Friday sessions. I was also sent home with a port a pack of chemo which was set to run out on Friday afternoons. This way I could get my shot of neulasta (let me tell you this crap sucks and is very expensive besides) but more about that later.
My chemo drip was a combination of meds called eloxatin, plus Zofran for nausea and Proclorperazine, coumadin because I developed a blood clot and of course the nasty neulasta. Wednesday sessions began at about 1pm and after initial weight check, blood pressure, temp, and blood draw to check white cells the treatment began. Since I had the chest port put in that involved hooking me up and sitting in a nice reclining chair watching tv or sleeping until about 4:30 or 5:00 when the meds ran out. Then getting unhooked from the drip, get attached to the port a pack and going home.
Now I know I shouldn't complain because obviously I am alive if writing this blog but some of the side effects are really cruddy. First...severe and I do mean severe reaction to cold. That included touching, drinking and eating, entering the frozen food aisle in a store and anything else cold that you can possibly think of. Believe me when I tell you that nothing compares to eating and drinking warm tuna, milk, orange juice (when my stomach could handle it) ice cream which I had to eliminate altogether because once it was warm it was liquid.
Second...THRUSH, a most disgusting symptom that occurs in your mouth as all of your good cells are killed off by the chemo you become susceptible to other nasties. With thrush you develop white patches on the tongue, inner sides and roof of the mouth and guess what? No one told me about this one. It can become severe if left untreated so you must take antibiotics and reduce foods with sugars and yeast in them. This wasn't really a problem because during the chemo believe it or not I developed an aversion to sugary foods and couldn't stand them. Meat on the other hand became a necessity of life and in steak the more rare the better. Barely cooked was how I came to order beef with some very unusual looks from waiters if I were eating out. Alcohol was definitely out of the question but every now and then if I felt up to it a shot of rum tasted pretty darn good because it is not a liquor you have to drink cold so it worked. Oh and did I mention that the thrush can also get into your esophagus and if really bad your liver and other parts of your body?
Finally we come to the neulasta. Who ever invented this stuff certainly has a death wish...at least among cancer patients. Now I know it is supposed to do good but if you are aware that as an adult you pretty much stop making white blood cells. The neulasta forces your body to produce them from of all things your pelvis and hips. I can't tell you nor describe the agony of this process. All I will say is that for the entire weekend I was pretty much confined to bed until Monday morning when I had to return to school and even then sometimes I just couldn't do it. Oh and one more thing, it gives you really, really, really, bad diarrhea. Sorry to be gross but it does.
Now let's talk coumadin...again one of those drugs that is supposed to help you but it's side effects can be random or spontaneous bleeding. NNNIIIIIICCEEE! So in my case I had decided to return to work as soon as I could, no time to lay around feeling sorry for myself was what I figured but that can also have drawbacks. Most of the time I was pretty good but this one particular day I happened to be teaching my bio class and sneezed pretty badly about three times in a row. Next thing I know my nose is dripping gobs of blood and my students are yelling. I quickly sent one to get my friend Sabrina who came running back with of all things a tampon to stop the bleeding. Thank God we have prep rooms between our bio rooms because it actually worked. The kids got a great laugh out of it and consequently when I explained what I was going through they were real troopers. They knew exactly who to go get depending on what class I was in just in case it happened again. There are times when kids can really step up to a challenge and I must say that my students during 2008-2009 were some of the best that I ever had. We probably didn't get much done compared to other years because of me being in and out of school but better people I could not have asked for. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart...even Xhelil.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
My Big Sister
Now for a description of my only living immediate family relative. My big sister Jan, commonly known among the family as "annie keogh" She couldn't say her name when she was little. As kids I have to say we didn't get along all that well. She was mom's good girl, grade A all the way and I do mean that with fondness now. We used to have awesome knock down drag out fights which we usually ended up keeping a secret from our parents. She has a heart as big as well....Texas, but back then I just didn't get her. She went to JCSC same as me and while my father threatened to constantly pull me out of school if I didn't get good grades (remember the GPA of 3.84 and I made dean's list every semester except 1) Janet happily played hearts in the cafeteria with her other friends who did not go to classes either. She made me swear not to tell dad but eventually she did and dropped out of school. Consequently she went back much later and finished and works for a really wonderful guy out in Surprise Arizona.
Unlike many of us Janet married and stayed married to her childhood sweetie, Tommy who was I must say, quite cute in his day, long boyish but neat hair, played the guitar and could sing. Let's just say that today he looks and acts like Santa or at least one of his elves. They married in March of 1975 and immediately departed for Germany because Tom was in the air force. Along came two great kids over the years, Jennifer (knick-name...the princess, nuf said) and Sean. Love them both dearly and I must say Janet and Tom did something right because those kids are great and not just because they are my niece and nephew.
Anyway back to Janet...although out in Az. when I was diagnosed she called at least weekly and often she was the only recipient of tears, frustration and anger as I moved from one stage to another of the cancer process. While I was angry and hurting, she was the calm voice urging me to do all the right things, eat, rest, even cry if I had too, and knowing how deeply she relies on her belief in God...which I admit is ever so much stronger than mine to this day, I'm sure a few prayers were said for the sake of her baby sister. I truly believe that it was more her faith than mine that pulled me through. I am a believer in the words of Billy Joel...only the good die young, but I believe that Janet is still here because she has yet to fulfill whatever plan is out there for her. She is one of God's angels on earth. I love you sis!
Unlike many of us Janet married and stayed married to her childhood sweetie, Tommy who was I must say, quite cute in his day, long boyish but neat hair, played the guitar and could sing. Let's just say that today he looks and acts like Santa or at least one of his elves. They married in March of 1975 and immediately departed for Germany because Tom was in the air force. Along came two great kids over the years, Jennifer (knick-name...the princess, nuf said) and Sean. Love them both dearly and I must say Janet and Tom did something right because those kids are great and not just because they are my niece and nephew.
Anyway back to Janet...although out in Az. when I was diagnosed she called at least weekly and often she was the only recipient of tears, frustration and anger as I moved from one stage to another of the cancer process. While I was angry and hurting, she was the calm voice urging me to do all the right things, eat, rest, even cry if I had too, and knowing how deeply she relies on her belief in God...which I admit is ever so much stronger than mine to this day, I'm sure a few prayers were said for the sake of her baby sister. I truly believe that it was more her faith than mine that pulled me through. I am a believer in the words of Billy Joel...only the good die young, but I believe that Janet is still here because she has yet to fulfill whatever plan is out there for her. She is one of God's angels on earth. I love you sis!
Friday, May 27, 2011
How To Deal With The People Who Love You Most
Now this was pretty hard for me. As I said before I am a pretty independent woman. I was raised to be rather self sufficient from the time I was in about 6th grade. My mom moved out and my dad pretty much had to raise two daughters. Needless to say I am a perfectionist to a point, can be hypercritical, like knowing exactly what I will be doing and when, and have never really needed the huggy kissy kind of love relationship that some depend on. Don't get me wrong I love a good love story and in some aspects I am actually living a great one. To explain...
I first knew my current hubby Mike while I was a senior in high school. He played guitar in what I called "the cult" of young spirited individuals called "Up With People". If you are in your late 50's, early 60's you might remember them. Anyhow, I was dating one of the other guys who were acquainted with the group and in those days, relationships were like mini committments. After having a three year relationship, things were headed in the wrong direction for me and it was broken off. Mike had also gone his way and as far as I knew was happily married.
Met a guy in college, thought I was head over heels in love, married at 21 two weeks after my college graduation. The marriage didn't last, but by then I had two little boys Jeff and Rob mentioned earlier. Basically I had resigned myself to remaining single. Most guys I met during this time as dates set up by well meaning friends were pretty ridiculous. There is no other way to describe this period of my life. The guys were tall, short, jacked, fat, I kept thinking this is nuts I don't need a man that desperately to fullfill my life but I really wanted a good solid role model for my boys.
Somewhere around this time, I was having a conversation with my sister who told me that Mike had stopped out to visit her out in Arizona and was divorced. Always the big sister, wanting to see me happy she suggested I give him a call. Well that was memorial day 1991 and we just seemed to click.
My boys got along with him and he was the do it all dad that they needed in their lives while treating me like most women deserve to be treated. He is loving, supportive, and a genuine good guy with a tremendous heart, not only for me but anyone I bring into our family circle. I think he believes that if "jeanne loves them enough to include them in her life, then that's good enough for me." I can ask him for anything and it is lovingly done. Our wedding was May 26th 1995 and it has been a fabulous life since then. Mike is the very best man I know and a huge factor in my recovery. He would do anything for me.
My boys...Here is where I don't know where to start. Jeff is big and scary now...he wasn't always. He was long and lean as a baby and a great swimmer from the time he was a little kid. For some inane reason he wanted to play football and quite truthfully although we supported him...let's just say it wasn't his sport! Many nights were spent on the cold, wet and damp Vernon flats and elsewhere watching him do football. Finally at some point in high school he decided it wasn't for him, left it, and became a distance swimmer for school. He departed for the snowy hills of Colorado where he attended Johnson and Wales for culinary arts. While there he met his adorable, crafty, energetic, and almost but not quite 6 ft. tall wife Kaleene and now they reside in Denver with two mini pins Boo and Bug. Did I mention that Jeff is about 6ft 8. Well the dogs are not exactly what I hoped for in grandkids but I haven't given up hope yet. Its only sad that they live so far away and also in a place where it can literally snow through May. I will never live there even if grandkids do come along as much as I would love seeing them I am doing my best to get out of the snow LOL. Jeff came out in October 2008 to visit and help me, I think he just kind of wanted to check up on me and make sure I was truly ok and that he had to see for himself. Unfortunately he brought a big blizzard of ice with him. Jeff I really love you, appreciate the thoughtfulness but go home now you jinxed the weather.
Now let's talk Rob. This kid has been my nemesis ever since he was born. Kind of sickly with fluid in his lungs at birth that developed into childhood asthma, he to this day, remains the child you would love to kill. Opinionated, outspoken, motion wrapped into a package that started out tiny and kind of chubby. He was the antithesis of his brother so much so that we nicknamed him the "weeble" His little baby body looked like an egg! Now he is very tall and built very lean...much like my dad was. Has the same hair which he tries to tame but we know it's still there just waiting to bust out in curls. Rob was in grad school when I was diagnosed and he offered to give it up and come home...needless to say Mike and I didn't work hard to have him give up with only a few months to go so we made him stay down in Virginia and hopefully some day when he is making oodles of money he will thank us for making him do grad school while he was still young. Oh I failed to mention that all he did was bitch about school the whole time he was going. He also graduated with honors and promptly called me to gloat that he had a higher GPA than my 3.84. Quite frankly, he deserved it. He worked somewhat hard! There Rob I said it. LOL but that's all the credit I am giving you.
So there you have the background on the family. I do love them dearly no matter what but sometimes I just need to be by myself. Or even better....just out with the ladies. The moral here if any is that your family is what they are. Take what you need from them to feed your inner soul. Talk to them, share with them, enjoy quiet times with them, let them take on some of your pain, and you will have those moments. In return, they will give you their support, their love, their laughter, maybe even more of themselves than they had. That in itself is worth everything.
To my guys...even though I don't always say it. "I Love You All Very, Very Much".
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Now That Personal Affairs Are in Order, What Next?
Surgery complete, Will Made, How do you go about explaining to people what has happened to you?
In my case although I did realize something had to be wrong as I said I never thought it was cancer. My diagnosis was completed by February but me being me I had to work through a big wrestling tournament that our school holds each year. I am chief cook and bottle washer with the help of some really, really, great friends. But as good as they are, something made me hold back. I think in my mind if I said the word "CANCER" out loud to anyone then it would definitely be true, if I didn't say it then it wouldn't be true.
Somewhere around late April or early May a friend at school had a deck party and while we were all sitting around having a few cold adult beverages, we got to talking about relationships, kids, etc and I broke the news. At first they were stunned but true to form they rallied quickly and all made an agreement that although they knew, we would all keep quiet until I was ready to tell the school. Crazy as it seems I thought they would use it as a chance to let me go as budget worries were just beginning to rear their ugly head.
I finally went to the principal with the help of a good strong woman in the building who had earlier taught me the ropes at WV waaaaaaaay back in 1994. Actually I was afraid I would start to cry and my boss really really hated emotional displays. Thank you Monica for your strength at that time. It went very well and the following week we had a staff meeting and the news was broken to the remainder of the building. So many were so supportive it was a great feeling.
From that point on it became easier to deal with all of it. I told Sue, Vicky, Pat, Patti, Sara, and everyone rallied to not only console but support me. I love these ladies to death for that and of course there are others like Barb & John who also made this so easy for both Mike and me.
One person in particular amazed me at this time, someone not in my department but also not someone I thought would gravitate to my personality. She made sure I was taking care of myself with books to read, food that was tempting and phone calls...I can't tell you how much those phone calls meant because some days lying in bed made me feel really sad and lonely. She was mean enough to not let me feel sorry for myself and even when I did she would tell me that it was ok and then to snap out of it. I cherish that in her that allowed me those weepy pissy moments when I just wanted to give in to the pain and she wouldn't let me.
I say pissy but believe me when I tell you how angry this disease can make you. And that anger can come out at some of the people that you love and care for the most. Believe it or not they will understand.
In my case although I did realize something had to be wrong as I said I never thought it was cancer. My diagnosis was completed by February but me being me I had to work through a big wrestling tournament that our school holds each year. I am chief cook and bottle washer with the help of some really, really, great friends. But as good as they are, something made me hold back. I think in my mind if I said the word "CANCER" out loud to anyone then it would definitely be true, if I didn't say it then it wouldn't be true.
Somewhere around late April or early May a friend at school had a deck party and while we were all sitting around having a few cold adult beverages, we got to talking about relationships, kids, etc and I broke the news. At first they were stunned but true to form they rallied quickly and all made an agreement that although they knew, we would all keep quiet until I was ready to tell the school. Crazy as it seems I thought they would use it as a chance to let me go as budget worries were just beginning to rear their ugly head.
I finally went to the principal with the help of a good strong woman in the building who had earlier taught me the ropes at WV waaaaaaaay back in 1994. Actually I was afraid I would start to cry and my boss really really hated emotional displays. Thank you Monica for your strength at that time. It went very well and the following week we had a staff meeting and the news was broken to the remainder of the building. So many were so supportive it was a great feeling.
From that point on it became easier to deal with all of it. I told Sue, Vicky, Pat, Patti, Sara, and everyone rallied to not only console but support me. I love these ladies to death for that and of course there are others like Barb & John who also made this so easy for both Mike and me.
One person in particular amazed me at this time, someone not in my department but also not someone I thought would gravitate to my personality. She made sure I was taking care of myself with books to read, food that was tempting and phone calls...I can't tell you how much those phone calls meant because some days lying in bed made me feel really sad and lonely. She was mean enough to not let me feel sorry for myself and even when I did she would tell me that it was ok and then to snap out of it. I cherish that in her that allowed me those weepy pissy moments when I just wanted to give in to the pain and she wouldn't let me.
I say pissy but believe me when I tell you how angry this disease can make you. And that anger can come out at some of the people that you love and care for the most. Believe it or not they will understand.
How To Arrange the Rest of Your Life While Losing Your Mind!
Well I gave you some details up to the tour of the chemo center. Next came the very difficult task of getting my affairs in order "just in case". Sad to say as educated as I am, making a will had always given my the willies. It seemed to me that this was so final but since my darling husband was not the father of my two sons I knew I had to get in gear and make some arrangements.
Enter the infamous Krausinator as my youngest always referred to him. An attorney prior to teaching, Drew managed to make this process for me and my husband Mike so easy. He handled every detail from start t o finish and even asked the questions that probably both Mike and I should have. Who would have known right? Believe it or not my kids were already independent of our house, Jeff was married and living in Colorado, Rob was a graduate student at Virginia Commonwealth University. All I thought about was what would happen to my dogs! How silly right? I kept forgetting that Mike would be left behind with all 3 of them. Poor man!
I have these words of advice to all of you out there even if you are not currently ill or recovering. Make a plan while you still have time and stick to it. Better sooner than later and you will be thinking clearly! Not in the fog of being diagnosed with cancer.
My First Cancer Blog
Hi Everyone,
My name is Jeanne and I am recovering from colorectal surgery in 2008. I was diagnosed "accidentally" as far as I am concerned and probably could have never known that I had cancer except for one thing...I am usually pretty active and involved both in my school and community and I found that when coming home at night even if early, I was falling asleep.
Now if that sounds strange to you it was to me too, because I teach biology and anatomy and with my usual list of cancer detection freebies, never did it say you would be sleepy. So after many trips to doctors who tested me for Lyme Disease, Mono, Epstein Barr, and even did many blood tests to detect cancer, every test came out negative.
I then contacted a great gastro guy Dr. Beckman in Sussex and boy did things change quickly. He checked me out, scheduled a colonoscopy ASAP and within about two weeks I entered St. Clare's Hospital in Sussex for my test. I was pleasantly surprised by the whole cleansing process because all I had heard was how awful it was. Well let me tell you although it wasn't like drinking a nice big chocolate egg cream or for you youngsters a chocolate milk shake, it wasn't as bad as I had anticipated.
The surgery itself was for approximately 45 minutes and the staff at the hospital was so friendly and kind, working very hard to make me feel comfortable. I was put under by the anesthesiologist and then it seemed like I was waking up. Truth be told I was woken up after only about 15 minutes.
My one nurse Debbie (a mom of one of my students had tears in her eyes) she didn't have to say a word. I knew what she could not say! The doctor returned and told me that 30 nodes had to be removed. I was in Stage 3 colon cancer. What a shock! Physically I was at my best weight, blood pressure, etc. ever. All I thought was how could this have happened to me?
I then met with Drs. Hernando and Abbasi. Dr. H would do the surgical procedures while Dr. A. would be the oncologist that would be doing my chemotherapy. I could not have asked for a better surgeon although to me he was like a "Doogie Howser" He looked all of 18 years old while I was a 54 year old woman. He explained two different procedures to me based on what he might find once I was opened up in surgery. I chose to have a port put into my chest, just above the right breast. I did this because I do not have great veins for blood getting so this was a good choice for me. Some of you might prefer your arm. I do not believe one is any better, just personal choice based on my physical make up and how I wanted to appear. My intentions were that I would look less "cancerous" to students who might have a hard time dealing with my condition. Either way I don't think that ports are fun.
The surgery was approximately 4 hours in length. I had about 15 inches of my colon removed from the appendix up. An additional freebie was the removal of the appendix. It was not affected but Dr. H assured me that taking it out at the same time would be beneficial. We wouldn't have to worry about it later. I was truly lucky in that he was able to do this surgery via laparoscopy. In other words...basically through my belly button which warrants less surgical time, less recovery time, and for me this was great news with my stage of cancer. I had been working myself up into quite a state thinking I would have to have a colostomy bag. I knew this would not fit into my lifestyle and I am so happy that "Doogie" was an expert in this type of surgery. I think I fell in love with him for that brief amount of time.
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